Hit and Run (Petey Part II)

If you missed the introduction to Petey you might want to CLICK HERE for Part I to get a feel for what we are dealing with. I think I compared him to Beetle Juice from the Howard Stern show, but you can also make a strong case for Earnest T. Bass.

News spread quickly that Friday night how Petey had fell victim to a hit and run. The students were extremely upset. I mean Petey was a perennial nuisance, sexual harasser, and destroyer of any order in the school but he didn't deserve this. In talking to some of his friends, the word was spreading that two students in a maroon Ford Explorer had rammed Petey into a fence. This story was verified by the police who took Petey's statement at the hospital where he was treated and released with a small bump to the head.

We were all thankful for Petey's fortunate escape and eager to catch the students responsible. Petey's mama called and demanded justice. I gave her my word that I would try my best. 2 reasons I would be trying my best: #1 - a need to know and #2 - fear of her "peoples" might come out.

I remember talking with one of the police officers about possible suspects. I surmised that it was probably a boyfriend of one of Petey's many cop-a-feel episodes, so I pulled the file (not quite as long as War and Peace but close). I then called in every male who associates with any girl who was a victim of Petey's wandering hands. Nothing! Zilch! Nada! Strikeout!

Undeterred and vigilant in my quest for justice, I combed the parking lot for a Maroon explorer. I found 4 which fit the description, and we ran tags to locate possible culprits. The 2nd student I called in for questioning admitted to giving Petey a ride home that Friday. Bingo! Hooray! Paydirt! I picked up the phone and called the police. Gotcha!

The innocent-looking boy kept looking at me like I was crazy. I can remember with shame putting my finger in his face and saying, "Why did you do it?"

"Do what," he asked.

"Hit Petey"

He started to laugh and replied, "I didn't hit him. He flagged my friend and me down and asked for a ride. I kept asking him where to go, but he kept stalling. When I slowed down in the Rec. Center parking lot, he tried to steal my bookbag and jumped out of the car. He ran into a telephone pole. I got out, grabbed my backpack and left him there. "

After I confirmed the story with the friend, apologized to the student, dispatched the police, called Petey's mom, and removed the egg from my face I sat in my office and had a huge laugh. Petey got me, he got us all. Earnest T strikes again!