NED A.K.A The Unabomber (Part I)

Why is it that some of the biggest disciplinary problems in schools are extremely intelligent. Ned (sorry about the name choice) was a classic example of someone far smarter than I will ever be. In addition to his stirling IQ Ned was also a loony bird. To say that Ned "ain't right" is an understatement. In fact Ned was so crazy, that I secretly called him the Unabomber.

I first met the Unabomber, when a disgruntled bus driver barged into my office waving a videotape. I started to ask, "Is that the Paris Hilton sex tape?" but decided that might be insensitive. He informed me that Ned had shot him the bird and that he had video evidence of the Class I felony. I assured the bus driver that I would rain down with vengeance on Mr. Ned and proceeded to call him to the office.

Ned entered with a laugh and a chuckle followed by, "Well! Well! The walls of oppression have raised to suppress my constitutional rights!" (I told you he had a few screws loose). When I told Ned, that he couldn't go around shooting bus drivers the bird he took a rather unconventional approach.

Ned raised his bird finger and began to explain how the middle finger had received a bad reputation. Then he raised his other middle finger and explained that the interpretation of his two fingers could mean the number two, or the number eleven, and if you turn them forward they mean love. Ned informed me that in some Haitian cultures the middle finger means peace. Ned had the gift of spin and the longer he talked the more plausible his rationale was.

Personally, I think he just wanted to shoot me the bird and bait me into getting angry. I just smiled and said, "Well Ned on Bus 95-5 the bird gets you a peaceful week off the bus." Ned shook my hand and went on his way. I think I confused him with my response, but I vowed from that day forward to always be calm and cordial in dealing with Ned. I just hope he remembers my kindness when the final bolt becomes unhinged.