Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Una-Bomber Part II

You know it is going to be a great day when you don't even get your bag out of the car.

"Mr. Principal! Hurry!"


I said, "Calm down and tell me what is going on"


"It's Ned, he is in Mr. Smith's classroom."


As I made my way up to the classroom, several visions passed through my mind of what I was about to see. I must confess that given the proclivities of Mr. Ned I prepared myself for anything.


When I entered the room I saw Ned sitting on top of the teacher's desk. He was sitting Indian style and had his eyes clothes with arms stretched to the side. If this wasn't strange enough, Ned had his shirt off and had a bloody nose with blood all over his torso.


I asked Ned "What in the hell is going on?"


He responded, "I got in a fight"


Normally, I might have replied, "No Shit," but I must confess that with Ned in his current predicament, it could have been some type of pagan ceremony.


When we finally got him cleaned up and properly clothed, Ned had a complete melt down. He referred to himself as the Holy Trinity and said he did not recognize my authority to suspend him for fighting. One principal, one special ed. coordinator, one school resource officer, one mother, and one straight jacket later Ned was taken to an undisclosed location. I checked job postings that evening and contemplated whether or not public school administration was really my cup of tea.


About a week later, I called to check on Ned. The nurse informed me that he might be out of school a little longer.


Her words, "Ned is still actively psychotic."


I wonder how one becomes inactively psychotic? I mean once you are found to be off the reservation, isn't that it? What am I supposed to do with this information.? So, I spent the rest of the day searching for jobs. Luckily, I found one. I love our country, but some people just don't belong in public schools. Ned definitely belongs in this category.

2 comments:

Freak Magnet said...

Wow... I agree. Ned needs help and needs to stay outside of the school!I too write about the amazing happenings of human beings. Sometimes I think I should've been a Sociologist instead of a mommy! Nice to meet you!
~Tracy

Anonymous said...

Whole. E. Shit.

You know, as many crazyass things as I've seen, I've never walked into that type of scene.

Oh yeah, and Inactively Psychotic? That's called Trait #1 of a teacher with good classroom management. PseudoGruffAP once told me, "Wow. You've got a huge number of weirdwad-9th graders in your classes -- but we rarely see them in our office." I responded with, "Yeah, they've figured out I'm just a little crazier than they are. They don't wanna get kicked out cuz they wanna see what I'm going to do next." He laughed and replied, "Yeah, you kinda want to be ThatGuyonTheSubway -- the one who jusssssst might have a machete in his coat."

See? Inactively psychotic.

Mwuah-ha-ha-ha!!!